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About: 

I am a writer, photographer, designer, editor, musician, and amateur videographer who loves the process of creating. I recently graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Communications and am now attending University of Missouri for my master's in journalism. I love to capture the world around me and add to the creative movement. Because I have been loved, I try to use every moment to give love. I don't always succeed, but each day I'm taking steps, moving and growing into whom I was made to be.

Learning how to fall

alexandrajacobi:

I’m bad at taking risks.

This past summer my family and I went inner-tubing, and because I hadn’t inner-tubed in a while, I was nervous. Something about being violently pulled across the waters, speeding, made me kind of scared, even though I had done it in the past and enjoyed it. If anyone has an affinity for re-developing fears, it’s me.

So, as I jumped on and began my water journey, I found myself holding on tightly and not enjoying it as much as I could. I kept yelling at my dad to slow down, and I kept all my limbs safely atop the flotation device. When I finished my first run, my brother said, “Alex, you should fall off! If you fall, you’ll know what it feels like and you won’t be scared of it anymore.” My brother, the risky daredevil that I’ve never been, knew that my hesitation came from a fear of flying off the inner-tube. He didn’t fear injury or falling. He had done it enough times that he knew it was no big deal. You laugh, and you get back on. I, on the other hand, am really good at seeing what can potentially go wrong and adjusting my behavior to avoid that wronging at all costs.

So, I began another run, and his grinning face looked at me while flying and yelled, “Fall!” I took a deep breath and let go.

I hit the water and as I submerged beneath, I felt my fears sink to the bottom of the lake. I came up and thought, “I want to go again!”

I knew what falling felt like, so I was able to fully engage in the ride and not focus on my fear.

What I didn’t realize until later is that that moment was a perfect metaphor for how I’ve lived my life. I don’t know how to fail, and I live my life in avoidance of that failure. I make all the grades and live my life trying to make everyone around me happy. I freak out over small things, like B’s and C’s and when someone is mad at me. I see the raging waters flying by, and I cling to the thing I’m holding even tighter, all the while staring at that conflict or failure and not enjoying the ride.

But the time has come to fall. I can see my brother’s smiling face and hear him yelling, “Fall!” He’s right. Joy only comes in fearlessness. At Mizzou, I’m trying to fit the mold and hide away in order to evade the rushing waters. But I can’t do it anymore. Greatness is in risk. I am not meant to be a cookie-cutter. I’m meant to tell the stories I’ve always wanted to tell. Even if I fail, am unemployed, or have to work odd-end jobs, I will. I can’t settle. I have to push the envelope.

So, my hands are letting go of the grips.

I’m freaking out. I’m going to be unemployed. My adviser hates me. I feel like an idiot.

I have to see my adviser tomorrow to plan out my life, and I’m scared because I can’t make decisions and the minute I start to think I should go one direction with my life then at the end of my day, I’m all of a sudden wanting to do something different and I seriously envy people who just know exactly what they need to do. How do you become a decisive person? I overthink everything. I can’t fucking do this.

(Source: quoteskine, via fragile-oceans)

ddarkahn:

never forget

Dying.

(Source: britneyaddiction, via jerrideth)

I need this room.

I need this room.

(Source: media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com, via creatingaquietmind)

"I run like the ocean to find your shore; I’m looking for you."

(via loveyourchaos)

thebiophone:

There will be days where prayer seems dry and laboured.

But there will also be days where each prayer feels like it is piercing through the veil of evil.

These are all important days.

(via fragile-oceans)

thechronicferuchemist:

Uterus, I do not understand your need to have a baby. We cannot afford a baby. I do not want a baby. Hell you wouldn’t even be happy if we had a baby. I find these temper tantrums you throw every month we don’t have a baby absolutely unacceptable.

(via drjacobhood)

ejacurlate:

*does homework assignment 5 minutes before it’s due but puts yesterday’s date on it*

(via forevercaskett)

Me whenever I do something moderately healthy

whatshouldwecallme:

image

(via lifeofaprofessionalstudent)

I am the only mosaic that looks better broken than whole,
a map that has no idea where it’s going
but knows better than anybody what it’s been through.

Meggie Royer

(Source: schmab-elyse, via fragile-oceans)

INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there’s always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don’t often take time to revel in their accomplishments.

Hence the blog name.

(Source: personalitypage.com, via myersandbriggs)

I can feel it building up inside – the images that play inside my mind, the dreams that I’ve been dreaming all my life, the colors that live outside of the lines. But dreams aren’t all I hide beneath this skin. The cord is cut; the fears and doubts begin. My hope is anchored on the other side with the colors that live outside of the lines …
And it all just sounds like poison on my ears; the background noise makes your voice so hard to hear. So I grit my teeth and straighten up my spine; I’m stuck in traffic on a dotted yellow line.
And my heart is yours, and what a broken place it’s in. But you’re what I’m running for, and I want to feel the wind at my back again – back to the beginning again.

Switchfoot