I'm Alex, and I am a writer, photographer, designer, musician, avid blogger, daughter, sister, and friend. I recently graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Communications and will be attending University of Missouri for my master's in Convergence Journalism in the fall. I love to capture the world around me and add to the creative movement. Because I have been loved, I try to use every moment to give love. I don't always succeed, but each day I'm taking steps, moving and growing into whom I was made to be. Visit my professional site at www.alexandrajacobi.com.
Today I was convicted after going to my church and hearing a message about stepping out of religion and into the overflow of Christ, yet I kind of ignored it and thought, “Oh well, I’m totally living a righteous life, right?” Wrong. I get home and stress and anger fill my heart as I am trying to hastily wrap a present for a bridal shower and rush out the door. Not only am I anxious about being late, but I’m also anxious about seeing people again because this summer I have been home and haven’t done anything social in months. So, I get on the road and every little thing that can go wrong does and I yell about it. My fast food sandwich isn’t the one I asked for. My GPS is acting up. I am tired from waking up at 5:30 this morning, because I’m in the praise band at church and have to be there at 7 a.m. My iPhone won’t play the song I want it to. Do you feel bad for me yet? Yeah, don’t. I was being a bitch, and I can admit it. I then sped all the way to the shower, and to top it all of, I got a ticket for going 75 in a 55-mile-per-hour zone.
That’s when it hit me. I’m in no way living in the overflow in my life. Sure, some days I do. But most days I’m just trying to get by, letting God fill up my heart that has holes in it, only to find I’m empty again because of the holes. Anxiety rules my heart 80 percent of the time. It used to be 99 percent of the time, so I guess I’m making progress, but it still isn’t great. So on the way home, I stopped and got coffee and read the Bible. Because I’m tired of making God a last priority. So for once I listened to him instead of waiting to talk to him when I’m completely broken. And I opened James. And this stood out to me.
"But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. … Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless. Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world."
–James 1:14-17, 19-27
So, I’m asking God right now to clean my heart of worthless religion and make me pure and new, like him. I don’t want to live a life of fear and hurt with a religious mask. I want to seek him in the secret place.
So, I’m going to continue sitting in this Starbucks and listen to God for a bit. I think it’s time I give him some of my time, right?
"If you’re not going to put forth an effort, don’t expect a miracle," said my pastor today. Here’s to another beginning.
So I made a video this week for the local Salvation Army to accompany the story I wrote. Check it out (in HD)!
Did I mention I got my hair cut this week? About three or so inches are gone, and I feel cleansed from the tangly mess that was there before.
I’m having the worst case of writer’s block I’ve had in a while and living at home this summer isn’t helping it. Every chance I get to write, I’m faced with someone in the living room trying to talk to me, or my brother wanting a ride to town since he doesn’t have his license yet, or someone in my family wanting me to run an errand. Also, I’m taking care of a friend’s business for her this week while she’s out of town so I have to work that in my daily schedule, along with my exercising, because if I don’t run, I feel fat and not happy. Additionally, I’ve started watching Friends, because I’ve never watched it all the way through, and that was a terrible decision because now I’m addicted and I’m already on season 3 and I’ve only been watching for five days.
And through it all, that crappy Word document sits in my Dropbox not getting completed and sounding choppy every time I make progress on it.
I hate summer funks. Someone please remind me that I am actually a good writer and not a major loser?